On Saturday October 20th, four delegates from the Middlesbrough Diocese attended a National Conference on Families, Mental Health and Pastoral Care in the Catholic Community organised by The Marriage and Family Life Division of the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of England and Wales.
Myself and Frs. John O’Gara and Peter Corcoran set off from Hull very early in the morning to make it to Wolverhampton for the start of the conference. After a few failed attempts at navigating our way around the city centre and a call out to the AA (least said on that!) we arrived safely to meet fellow delegate, Edna Hunneysett, who was at the conference to speak about her own personal experience of caring for her daughter.
The conference was set up to look at the challenges of supporting families affected by mental illness and the opportunities offered by adopting a family-sensitive approach to family life. Chaired by Paul Farmer of Mind, speakers included Julia Head, a chaplain of the Spiritual and Pastoral Care Service of South London and Maudsley NHS Foundation Trust; Chris Danes, who suffers from bi-polar disorder; and Edna, who spoke movingly about her experience of supporting her daughter, Elizabeth, through a significant mental illness. A number of workshops later in the day also allowed participants to reflect on aspects of Spirituality and Mental Health, the needs of pastoral leaders in supporting those with mental illness, and practical approaches such as befriending and support groups that have been developed across the country.
All four of us went to the conference with a different perspective, Fr. John as a busy parish priest, Fr. Peter as a former hospital chaplain, Edna as a carer, and then me. I had never met the two Marist Fathers prior to the conference, and didn’t really think it a good idea to explain at 6.45 on a misty morning, that I was going there to reflect on my own personal experience as someone who has suffered first-hand the devastation that mental illness brings. Having experienced a prolonged period of clinical depression and severe anxiety, followed by a formal diagnosis of agoraphobia, I didn’t feel able to share the shame of that with total strangers, priests or not! Now was not the time to tell them of the temptation of suicide or my perceived failure as a loving mother to my three children. Life is precious after all.
As the day progressed, although I struggled with the practicalities of staying in a large room with other delegates because of my own ongoing condition, I was strengthened by the courage of others’ testimony. I will never forget the emotional account of one woman’s experience of living with her mum’s Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or of Chris Danes’ retelling of “going publicly mad in front of fellow parishioners”. Chris spoke of receiving “hot and cold running sacraments” when diagnosed with cancer, yet being largely ignored and denied the same privileges when his bi-polar condition branded him a madman. When a person is debilitated by mental illness there is rarely a “get well” card to display.
Over time, in the supportive environment of the conference, I was able to share some of my experience and reflected similarly on my torturous absence from my beloved church, a disastrous trip to Lourdes shattered by misunderstanding, and my ongoing struggle with the stigma that mental illness brings.
We all came away inspired and energised by what we have heard. Mental illness has no shame. It reflects a physical imbalance in the brain that is not within the immediate control of the sufferer. So why did I feel so guilty that this had happened to me? Guilt should not come into the equation. But my experience is so common. 1 in 4 of our parish congregation will experience a form of mental illness at some stage in their lives.
Christ’s message is very clear. However much we may struggle to understand the situation of our neighbour, we should love always and never judge. Compassion is at the heart of our parish response to mental illness.
And so, as a group, under the guidance of Fr. Gerry Dasey, we will work to produce a resource pack for parishes that will help to dispel the myths around mental illness and ensure that, however difficult the challenge, we reach out with compassion to those who may find themselves in the dark and often lonely place that sufferers find themselves. It is our responsibility to end the isolation of those experiencing mental distress, and to be the arms of our loving God that embrace those who are suffering and to walk alongside them with courage and unconditional love.
An account of the day is posted on the website at www.everybodyswelcome.org.uk
Veronica Harnett